Meditation Breakthrough (not only did it not suck; it was good!)

Meditation has not come easy to me. When I started a few months ago, it was pure torture. My mind filled with monkey chatter and my eyes peaked at the timer to see how much longer I had to sit. I was like a child in a time-out. I was lucky if I practiced twice a week.

Thanks to my teacher's prodding ("twice a week ain't gonna cut it" were his words), I began a daily meditation in earnest in February. I realize now how many people influenced my meditation practice over the past couple of months. Not only my teacher, but my friends at church who introduced me to Centering Prayer (meditation!), the readings of Jack Kornfeld and Mark Whitwell and my friends and fellow yoga teacher trainees. They all gave me permission to relax: don't worry about the monkey chatter. Don't worry about stilling the mind: just observe it. Don't judge all the lists, daydreams, and stories. Just name them and let them go. Just enjoy the time sitting.

Once I gave myself permission to relax, I began to enjoy meditation at times. Some mornings I actually looked forward to my quiet time before heading to the gym. Maybe "look forward" is too strong a term, but I didn't dread it anymore.

This morning was a beauty in Chicago land and I decided to take my crazy border collie Annie for a walk. Unfortunately the leash was in my husband's car, so no walk for poor Annie. And my iPod was not working, so no tunes for me. I decided to take the walk anyway, to enjoy the flowering trees and singing birds. And all these things, it turned out, happened for a reason.

About a half mile into my walk, I wandered into my neighborhood church's Prayer Garden. I don't think I even knew that it existed. It's a pretty little spot, with flowering trees, perennials, and a few statues with benches in front of them. I sat myself in front of Mary and took a few quiet breaths. I did a couple of rounds of Kapalabati (wonder if that was a first for this particular Prayer Garden Madonna?!) then prayed for my Meditation mantra. It was envelope (the verb, not the noun). As I sat and breathed, I felt enveloped by energy and love. I was able to stay focused for a pretty long time and when the monkey chatter appeared, I returned to that thought and feeling if being enveloped by energy and love. It was a really beautiful time.

For the first time, I really enjoyed my meditation time. I hope to visit that garden of energy and love soon, wherever I happen to be.